I watch her from across the dance floor. Her hands are extended in the air and her hips swing freely in time with the music, absolutely lost in the moment. There's a simple beauty about the careless abandon that she exhibits. A drunken guy saunters up behind her, moving in close mimicking her movements, if she notices him there he wouldn't have a clue. There's no recognition or care for the attention until mid way through the song she steps forward slightly and turns around shaking her head at him; no. I would be beginning to judge the unsolicited attention giver, if I wasn't completely aware that I'm the creep sitting across the club staring at her.
It's made abundantly clear to me that it's not my job to even care when someone else joins the mix. Another bloke who pushes the would be sexual grifter away, before his attention turns back to the girl. His arms are moving in a vastly different way to hers, he's screaming in her face and giving her a shove back. She doesn't scream back she simply admits defeat when he turns back and throws a punch at the guy.
All I can think is - At least it isn't me.
It's then that I realize that she is me. I am her and I have been watching myself from across the bar. Watching my every move, waiting for him to approach. She is me and I am dreaming. I am watching my dream-selves life play out like a movie, watching as my young life falls apart and hoping that it will rebuild again.
Did you know that only 20% of people have mastered lucid dreaming?
I made the choice that the recurring dream that I grew to be able to alter and control the narrative was the story I was supposed to be writing, the girl was my main character and I was destined to tell her story to the world.
Now before I go to sleep I lay in bed and I layout an impending scene inside my head. I set the scene up and I play the beginning over and over until I fall asleep and I allow the dream to take me where I need to go. When I arrive there, if something doesn't seem quite right, I remind myself that it's just a dream and I'm allowed to go to the places that I need to be.
That is how The Katelyn Diaries was conceived.